JELLY BEAN

I just finished watching the Glee Project. Ahh-mayy-zing. I loved every second of it. Did I sob like a pup torn from his mother's teat? None of your business. I loved both of the winners and couldn't decide who I wanted to win more. So exciting. The only thing is I noticed a strange and inappropriate reaction to the season finale of the show.... I was raging jealous the entire time. I'm talking like knot-in-my-stomach-heart-pounding jealousy. As if they were somehow my competition??? It makes no sense. But, as my therapist says, you can't control how you feel. But it made me realize- this isn't the first time I've experienced irrational jealousy. Lately, in fact, it's been happening a lot.

Here is a list of things/people/situations that make me green with envy:

1. Katy Perry. Weird, right? She's just so fucking successful and her songs are so catchy. What a bitch. Now, why I can't simply just enjoy her catchy summery tunes- I don't know. I don't understand it. 
2. My boyfriend. For multiple reasons. A, he weighs less than I do. B, the whole penis thing. I definitely have penis envy. It's just SO much easier. I pee all the time and it's a huge hassle not to mention waste of toilet paper (I'm actually serious). C- the head nod thing. He just gets so much more respect from grown ups than I do and I'm totally jealous. 
3. Louis CK. Love him, but jealous of him. Maybe I'm only jealous of people I really love? Maybe Katy Perry, my boyfriend, and Louis CK and I are all meant to be one big happy family? I'm jealous of him because he's a total dud, the poor guy, but he's made it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make it as a comedian? He did it. He found the one thing that he's better at than other people, and he's made himself successful. That makes me crazy. I'm so fucking jealous. I don't know what it is that I can do better than other people. And even if I DID know, how do I make money from it? I want to write, as I've mentioned, but I'm wildly inexperienced and I have no idea how to make money writing. 
4. Drew Carey. I'm from Ohio, I LOVE the Price is Right, But who gets to stand up there hosting every day, hm? who? not me that's for damn sure. 
5. Whoever married Taylor Hanson. 
6. Anyone who can sing well- especially anyone who has performed on Broadway.
7. Basically anyone who has achieved success of any kind.