Monday, November 14, 2011

A quick comment... on comments

Australia's Surfing Life has been kind enough to indulge my little writing fantasy by posting a few of my articles on their website. You may notice a little hiccup in the comment section where I seem to have disappointed one of my fans. She might not consider herself a 'fan' per se but as a writer I can take the occasional creative liberty. She left the following comment:

If you want to surf with your girlfriend, then get a girlfriend who HAS A SCRAP OF SELF RESPECT AND CONFIDENCE! Not someone who compares her learning curve to a retarded dog. Because girls LOVE surfing. Like me! And lots and lots of other women! (Not just lesbians either!!) Self-confident women love having adventures, especially outdoors.

Wanna surf with your girlfriend? Don't date an insecure little pansy.

Hey Surfing Life Magazine!!!: Please offer paid employment, income, and professional acknowledgement to ACTUAL WOMEN SURFERS who are great writers and experts at their craft! There's a lot of us out there, not just wannabe princesses...

Rather than wasting the time of ASL readers by responding on their website, I have saved my response for this blog (alright so I was told I would seem cooler if I just let it go)... so I'm letting go... by saying this:

Dear Evin,

I couldn’t help but notice that you seem quite upset. Seeing as we seemed to have started a friendly online correspondence I was hoping I could impose a few thoughts upon you…

Surly as a woman of great confidence and, if I may, a woman of the highest composure, you are aware that one need not draw attention to her confidence and self respect because it would be too obvious to do so. I find it much more subtle of a tactic to sleep with as many people as possible until you fill the deep void burning inside you.

As a one-time-bi-curious-when-drunk-abroad female myself, who am I to insult the lesbian population? I was merely pointing out that the homosexual female community tends to have a strong affinity to the outdoors- and they're typically well equipped for any adventure. You seem to identify yourself as a straight woman. To that I say, don't knock it 'til you've tried it, sister. 

And I’m not sure what fuels your aversion to golden retrievers, but I assure you that my dog Goldy was a canine of staggering intelligence and not ‘retarded’ as you have suggested. Admittedly, he did have a fondness for his own feces and he ate his leg until it was raw, but which one of us is perfect at the end of the day?

Surfer's Girlfriend

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Reality Check

Recently my fiance and I thought it would be fun to spend the evening brainstorming our impending 2013 trip to Indonesia and Australia... we had good wine, good conversation, and even better weed (Dad/future employer, if you're reading this I'm just kidding about the weed thing... and I'm also kidding about leaving indefinitely in 2013. I'm definitely 100% committed to whatever my future job may be). We were feeling loose and giddy with the excitement one can only feel when they talk about embarking on an incredible adventure when it happened. We found it, our dream home in Australia. We plan to rent an apartment when we're in Australia so we can have a home base and plenty of visitors. Take a look and tell me if your panties are still dry at the end of the photo tour (Dad, come to think of it, you really shouldn't be reading this)...

God, I love me some earthy woods. We fell hard and fast. This is our dream. A cute bungalow in Byron Bay, are you kidding me?! So we looked into the pricing... $500/week.... let's call that $2,000/month. So being the fancy college graduates that we are, we came up with a projected amount we can anticipate spending monthly. With all the new foods, new bars, new excitement, we estimate spending $4,000/month. If you'll recall, our total goal for the trip is $20,000. Meaning we could only last 5 months   NOT including airfare and the fact that we don't want to blow through all of our savings so we can, you know, get home, and survive and stuff. So... shit!

Reality has a cruel way of ruining a perfectly good plan.

But don't fret. Luckily we have backup plans to earn more money. First of all, we're getting married next year. Rather than register for teapots and dandelions, we plan to gently exploit all of our family and friends into giving us cold, hard cash. Secondly, I suppose I could technically get a job. Ugh, as in business casual attire, casual Fridays (if you're lucky), timed lunches, forced enthusiasm, cubicles, jammed up photo copiers, and overall feigned merriment. I will, of course, have to lie on my resume and say that I've been working this entire year. I think I just threw up a little.

At the end of the day, it's all worth it. I'm so grateful for my 10 months of unemployment and I'm ready to start kicking some corporate ass all in the name of quitting after a year. Except I have no idea where to start. Anyone hiring? I have a very strong resume...