Monday, February 14, 2011

SO Now What!?!

Ah, the inevitable question. After a lay-off this along with the 'so how's your job search going?' question are unavoidable. I suppose it might not occur to the average person that a 'job search' would interfere with my afternoon movie marathons. My dad literally called me 2 days after he found out I got laid off to ask me about my five-year plan. No joke. Umm, if you offered me $10,000 to give you my 5 day plan I would have some difficulty. This is my favorite part of that conversation... My dad adds his opinion that I have gone wrong in the past because I have worked for smaller companies and I should really consider going after something "more corporate".  (pause for effect). Good to know we're on the same page. I was tempted to email him a link to this blog and turn off my phone for a month. 

So what is my plan? My plan is just this: I will travel to visit my family in Indiana, and then my mother who lives overseas. That takes me to the end of March when I will be back in LA.  At that point I will find whatever job(s) will pay cash so I can ride the system as much as possible (unless of course you work for the State of CA in which case I have been open and available for work, I have been actively looking for work, and I have not left the country at all). Perhaps I'll become the super nanny of LA. Disregard my open disdain of small children and I'm sure it'll become annoying to constantly dodge sexual advances from frustrated husbands who aren't getting laid by their perma-pregnant wives, but the pay is good and most importantly- it's cold hard cash. I nannied in college and to this day that was my most lucrative job. Or perhaps a bohemian book store in Venice? The sky is my limit. As long as there aren't cubicles involved I'm happy. 

We're leaving in 2 years for our trip around the world. Does that mean I need to re-enter life behind a cubicle to become a cerebral prostitute again? What if I can make just as much money nannying for the next two years? Bike rides to yoga, jogs on the beach, travel whenever I want, energy for nightly shags (unless of course I'm too tired after yoga).... sounds pretty incredible to me. 

My dad will be so proud. 

Friday, February 11, 2011


Sooo where to begin??? I apologize for my 2 week absence but once I explain myself to you I think we'll be juuuust fine. Here we go...

18 days ago I walk into work- coming down from my weekend, stiffled by an overwhelming feeling of dread, filled with anxiety- just a normal Monday. The Friday before, I had a serious talk with Sue (the owner), James, and our head of HR. They made it very clear that I was to begin making sales calls on Monday. So there I was, ready for battle. I obsessed all weekend about the goddamn calls. But I have to say, I got to a good place. I decided that the Universe clearly intended for me to make cold calls for some ungodly reason. But you have to trust the Universe. Maybe I murdered a baby in my past life and I was being punished accordingly? Makes sense.

As soon as I arrive James tells me that we need to speak with the Head of HR- just the three of us. Yeah gurl, that's right. Just the three of us. As we all know I'm no novice when it comes to getting canned. Let's just say if you get pulled into HR first thing in the morning with your immediate supervisor it's usually not regarding your candidicy for employee of the month. So there we were. I knew exactly what was coming. I was calm as a newborn suckling mother's milk. Silence. Finally HR girl goes for it.

"We all talked after our meeting on Friday and we've decided to make today your last day."

Holy shitpenis. My heart skips a beat. Is it true?? This is the moment that I have been plotting since I stepped foot inside of my tiny cubicle. She goes on to say it's not me, it's the position that doesn't work. They're taking my position and making it two full-time positions. One entry level admin, one highly experienced sales person. I'm pretty sure she said something about everyone being cripilingly devistated to see me go- something about I'm the most attractive person the company has ever seen. I can't recall. I was too busy planning the rest of my life. I said my goodbyes, took my severace check, some office supplies (don't you dare judge me- I just lost my job and stamps are like $4 each these days) and off I went to unleash my newfound freedom.

SO these past two weeks have been filled with bike riding to yoga, afternoon movie marathons, and meeting friends for drinks. I even applied for a job. That's right- working part-time for a sculpture garden. I'll keep you updated. As hard as it is to make myself get behind a computer, I'll do it for you. That's love right there.

Here's to hoping you all get laid off soon!! :) WOOOOOO HOOOOOO