Thursday, April 14, 2011

Everyone's Doing It

One of the many perks of unemployment is you have the time to get caught up with various doctor appointments. I've been to the dermatologist twice- you know, to get things checked out. And today I went to the dentist. To say that I'm horrified of the dentist is like saying that the KKK and the black community have a history of differing opinions... it's a slight understatement.

I dread the dentist because I can't get numb when getting a cavity filled. And with my violent addiction to anything containing sugar, I have no shortage of cavities. It's especially fun when the dentist doesn't believe me when I say that I'm not numb. I get it. No one likes the dentist. I'm sure they get plenty of over-anxious patients who exaggerate. I assure you that I have never blown anything out of proportion in my entire life. Ever. Once you mention that you can feel pain your credibility is shot to hell. The dentist automatically puts you in the 'anxious patient' category and you can expect to be spoken to like a tardsy child for the rest of your visit.

"Now- you'll see me handling things that look like a drill, but that doesn't mean that it is a drill."

Thanks, Sweetheart, but I didn't expect you to drill a hole in my tooth with a tampon. But I have to say today my perception of the dentist office changed forever. I went in to get a cavity filled this morning. I put it off for over a year and finally caved. When the receptionist recommended that I request nitrous oxide, I took her advice. And I am indebted to her for the rest of my life. I just had the ride of a lifetime. It was epic. I went from dreading my dental visit to never wanting to leave. I sat in the chair and all the sudden I vividly remembered all my dreams from the past week. I thought of my best friends. I thought of future blog posts. I thought of all the places I want to travel to. I just felt... warm and free and alive! It was amazing. And this is coming from someone who tried shrooms for the first time last week (I'm really crossing my fingers that my FBI agent of a father never gets a link to this blog). By the time the dentist asked me if I was ready for her to start drilling, I would have consented to a series of strangers offering to gently slide their thumbs into my rectum. Just do yourself a favor and stop brushing your teeth before bed. You're welcome.